


Better Acquainted

by lisakodysam



Series: Adam and Steve [3]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Comfort, Conversations, Fluff, Loss, M/M, Memories, Reflection, Reminiscing, friendships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-21
Updated: 2013-01-21
Packaged: 2017-11-26 08:54:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/648821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisakodysam/pseuds/lisakodysam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard - uncharacteristically unsure of himself after losing a good friend - realises he's no longer alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better Acquainted

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to all of you who've supported this series so far. I'm still a noob who's just playing around with this universe, and it's heartwarming to know that anyone's reading and even enjoying these stories.
> 
> Huge thanks again to CCBug, ME canon and character queen! If you're into Femshep/Kaidan, take a look at her fantastic AU story 'A Future Earned', set after the Reapers are destroyed. http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8573173/1/A-Future-Earned

James blew out a huff as he entered the shuttle bay and strode to his work station, a quick glance to his right indicating that Cortez was not at his usual spot. He threw his gear down and rolled his shoulders, groaning at the stiffness and fatigue he felt. He brought a hand up and pinched his neck and shoulders several times, quietly cursing under his breath when it did nothing to relieve the tension in his muscles.

"I'd do a much better job of _that_ , Mr. Vega," Cortez bragged as he hopped out of the Kodiak, having completed his post-flight checks.

"No, I'm good, Esteban. Really," James replied quietly through pursed lips before turning away from his friend and pretending to work his console. Behind him, he heard footsteps and he turned around, finding that Steve was standing a few feet away, one hand on his hip.

"You don't look so good," observed the pilot shrewdly. "What happened down there?"

James shrugged and turned back to his console. "Where've you been, man? The Genophage got cured. You _did_ drop us on Tuchanka, remember?"

"I _know_ that, _pollino_ ," Cortez shot back. "What happened _afterward_?"

James shrugged again and released a quiet sigh. "Things got… kinda intense, is all."

"Things are always intense." Steve moved closer to James and stood beside him. "But I fail to recall the last time we flew back to the Normandy in complete silence. Well, silence _after_ Wrex had reminded everyone how great he is. What gives?"

James's lips puckered tighter together and his eyes moved to Steve's. "That scientist guy – Mordin – bought it."

"Wait… I thought he was the one who delivered the cure?" Steve questioned.

"Yeah. Kinda happened at the same time."

Steve nodded thoughtfully. "Did you know him well?"

James shook his head. "Not really. But Shepard did. They went way back. He's pretty… well, he was giving off these vibes, you know? Like, 'don't talk to me' kind of vibes? So I guess none of us did."

Steve leaned against the console on one hand, his other stroking his goatee as he looked at the floor. "I didn't think… there were so many in the shuttle on the way back, what with the Krogans and everyone else. I didn't even notice one less Salarian. Damn, I _should_ have known."

"Why would you? It's not your job to question who's on board, just to fly the thing." James groaned and turned to face Steve, whose eyes were on the main doors. "Hey, man, I didn't mean nothing by that."

Steve nodded, his eyes not moving from the door.

"You gonna go talk to him?" asked James.

"Me?" Steve asked cautiously. "I'm just his shuttle pilot."

"Whatever you say, man."

Steve looked at him, saying nothing, and James snorted. "He doesn't hang out down here after every mission to ogle _my_ ass, that's for sure."

Steve's eyes once again moved to the doors. "You… know?"

"I didn't for sure, but _now_ I do," James answered mischievously.

Steve folded his arms and glared at James, who held his hands up.

"Hey, nothing to do with me. You two wanna grin like mooks at each other, be my guest. Just be careful where _else_ you do it," he added on a stern note.

"Yeah, I know," Steve murmured quietly. "Thanks."

"Just looking out for you, _compañero_." James moved to his workout area and picked up a set of dumbbells. "Maybe he'll talk to you," he ventured.

"You think so?"

"Give it a shot, Esteban," James said seriously as he curled his left arm, then his right. "Loco's been through a few shitstorms in his time but… well, I ain't never seen him like this. Maybe a little latino lovin'll put him straight."

Steve nodded absently, his eyes once again settling on the doors.

~o~O~o~

Shepard stepped into the CIC, his debriefing with Hackett concluded. A few pairs of eyes turned in his direction, only to be quickly averted as his crew resumed their tasks.

"Traynor," he said crisply as he headed for the elevator. "I'll be in my cabin. Unless Hackett or Anderson call, you'll liaise with Major Alenko until further notice."

"Right, Commander," she answered, her eyes also briefly settling on him for a second.

The elevator opened and Shepard stepped in, giving a perfunctory nod to the three crew members already inside. He then paused, unsure where to go first.

He'd be expected in the shuttle bay. It was a regular thing, now, for Shepard to pay James and Steve a visit when a mission was completed. It was a running joke of James's that the commander was stalking him – as Shepard took James along on every mission – only to be shut down when Shepard replied that he didn't have a problem with that if James didn't.

Despite his feigned discomfort with Shepard's flirting, however, James kept up the joke. He knew Shepard hung out in the shuttle bay because it made him feel normal, and that was also why Shepard endured the banter and insults from both lieutenants with good humour, giving back as good as he got.

Shepard also flirted pretty heavily with Cortez but, unlike James, the shuttle pilot often reciprocated. Lately, however, the flirting had all but stopped, as had the insults. Shepard still visited the shuttle bay but the dynamic between the three of them had changed, and James had asked in jest if Shepard and Steve had had a lovers' tiff.

Both men's reactions to that remark had been very telling. Awkward laughter and a rapid change of subject had followed. James had announced that he'd better get back to work, and Shepard also manufactured a reason why he had to leave.

Yes, Shepard was pretty certain that James had figured it all out. Fortunately, he trusted James implicitly and knew it wouldn't go any further.

He didn't _have_ to go to the shuttle bay right now. The lieutenants would be hard at work tuning up the Kodiak and the weapons used during the mission. The Krogan and Turian delegates were still on board, and there was no reason to suppose that Shepard wasn't still talking with them, even though he'd just done so.

Besides, Steve had never offered Shepard a shoulder to cry on, and Shepard had never asked. They'd had sex in Purgatory and it had been amazing. A couple of times since then, Steve had visited Shepard's cabin and they'd had sex again but the pilot had never spent the night. Whether Shepard wanted that was irrelevant – he had no intention of pressuring Steve into anything. For all his talk of _relationships_ , deep down Steve probably wasn't ready to commit again, and who could blame him?

"Commander?" one of the people in the elevator prompted.

"Oh. Right," he mumbled, snapped out of his reverie. "Crew deck."

Once there, he stepped out of the elevator, purposely avoiding looking at the memorial wall. Mordin's plaque would be ready soon, and Shepard would have to put it in place. But he didn't want to think about that yet.

"EDI," he said aloud as he walked along. "Where's Major Alenko?"

"Major Alenko is in the Starboard Observation Lounge."

"Thanks."

"You are welcome, Commander Shepard."

He sighed quietly and walked into the lounge, relieved that Kaidan was the only person in there. The major was leaning on the large window, looking down on Tuchanka.

"It's a beautiful sight, isn't it?" Kaidan asked as Shepard approached him.

The upper atmosphere of the large planet was bathed in a radiant, almost heavenly glow as the Shroud continued to pump out the Krogans' salvation.

"Yeah," Shepard mumbled blankly.

"I'm… sorry about Mordin. He was one of the good guys," Alenko commiserated.

Shepard drew a deep breath and nodded. "I wanted you to know that I'm taking some downtime for a few hours."

"Traynor already contacted me. It's a good idea, Shepard. Are… you okay? If you need to talk…"

"I know where to find you." With a quick nod, Shepard moved to the door, halting just before he left, his shoulders slumping. "Thanks, Kaidan," he said softly over his shoulder.

"Sure thing," answered the major, watching as Shepard left before turning back to the window.

~o~O~o~

Shepard sat on his bed and rested his head in his hands for a minute or two. He seldom had a chance to just _stop_ and, when he did, he felt restless and uneasy. The campaign on Tuchanka had left everyone exhausted and as soon as the delegates were offloaded, he planned to take the Normandy to the Citadel so that he and his crew could enjoy a little shore leave, however brief.

He stood up and poured himself some coffee before returning to the bed and sitting back down. "EDI. I've got an unusual request for you."

"Many of your requests could be considered unusual, Commander. Please proceed."

"All right. I need some med bay security footage prior to our attack on the Collector base. Can you retrieve it?"

"Yes, I can. To which date and time period are you referring?"

"Uh… I don't know."

"That is not very helpful, Shepard," she remonstrated. "Can you provide me with additional information? Was a particular subject matter being discussed in the med bay? Which personnel, if any, were present?"

There was a pause, and EDI waited patiently. "There was me and… Mordin Solus," he replied quietly.

"Processing… multiple footage exists. I will attempt to attenuate. Please specify the nature of your discussions with Dr. Solus."

"I don't know if you'll be able to do this, but… well, anything that didn't involve missions, or the Collectors and so on. I'm looking for personal stuff. Funny stuff, you know?"

"You are searching for conversations of an informal or humorous nature between you and Dr. Solus?"

"That's right."

"One moment. I have found several data files. Uploading to your omni-tool."

"Oh. You managed it?"

"It was not difficult. I extrapolated conversations where you or the doctor – or both of you – were smiling. I will also scan for footage containing humorous conversations pertaining to missions or the Collectors."

"No, that's fine. I think I have enough. Thank you."

"Of course. May I ask a question, Shepard?"

"Sure."

"I assume that you are attempting to access agreeable memories which were created before Dr. Solus expired."

"That's not a question, EDI."

"No, it is not. You are correct. My question is, will doing so increase your happiness and wellbeing? When in mourning, many organic species engage in rituals to ease their distress. Some individuals prefer to dwell on the more unpleasant memories – such as the subject's death – in order to purge themselves of negative emotions. You have chosen not to do that."

"And?"

"Which method do you believe to be superior?"

Sighing, he placed his coffee down and lay back on the bed. "I really don't know…"

"Perhaps you should also consider repeatedly reliving the moment of Dr. Solus's death. I can upload the footage if you wish. You would experience anger, grief and emotional pain which, although unpleasant in the short term, would ultimately assist you in the grieving process. I have accessed the mourning rituals of many other species to aid you in this process. For example, the Quarians-"

"Can we discuss this later?" Shepard asked impatiently.

"As you wish, Commander."

The comm link was cut and Shepard groaned, shaking his head. He knew EDI was not capable of taking offence at his curtness but still felt a pang of guilt. "EDI. Thanks for your help. I mean that."

"I am always pleased to assist, Commander. I look forward to speaking with you later."

"As do I. Shepard out."

He meshed his fingers together behind his neck and stared up at the ceiling. Maybe EDI had the right idea, after all. He'd felt something very ugly and savage in the pit of his stomach since leaving Tuchanka, something he knew would only be assuaged by smashing up his cabin or caving in an enemy's skull with the butt of his rifle. But there were no more enemies to fight, at least not in the immediate vicinity. He _could_ challenge Vega to a sparring session, but had a feeling he'd end up losing control and really hurting the young lieutenant, as capable a fighter as he was.

He could lose himself in a bottle of mescal, but the situation and the way he felt would still be there when he sobered up. Besides, if Hackett called, Alenko couldn't really tell the admiral that Shepard was passed out in a pool of his own piss, could he?

 _Downtime_ was an illusion. He couldn't truly relax or unwind because at any moment there could be a distress call, a diplomatic incident or a new set of orders from Hackett. That didn't faze Shepard, though – the people of Earth weren't getting a lot of downtime while they were fleeing for their lives or _dying_ , so what right did _he_ have to expect any?

He thought of Steve, then. He'd lost his _husband._ Mordin had been a good friend to Shepard but it was hardly the same. Was it? He'd seen Steve cry and rage against the unfairness of it all. Was that what Shepard needed to do? He couldn't remember the last time he'd cried and wasn't sure he was even capable of it. And he certainly wasn't going to allow any member of his crew – Steve included – to see it.

Shepard hadn't been Mordin's only friend. The rest of the crew felt the Salarian's loss as well. He needed to cancel this morbid shit and be there for his crew.

He needed to be _Shepard_.

He sat up and braced his hands on the bed to push himself up just as the panel next to his door chirped. He sighed, irritation pricking at his gut. And then, just for a second, he hoped it was Steve.

He really _needed_ it to be Steve.

"Who is it?"

"It's me."

Shepard closed his eyes, relief and something raw and desperate flourishing in his belly. He cleared his throat and took a few breaths. "Come in," he said casually.

Cortez entered and took his time to walk down the few steps, carefully assessing Shepard's hunched posture and noticing that the commander's omni-tool was activated.

"Hey there," greeted Shepard. "What's up?"

Steve took a seat in the chair opposite Shepard's bed, keeping a discreet distance for the time being. "Not much. I've left a few diagnostics running on the Kodiak. She should be up to scratch in a few hours or so."

"Good." Shepard nodded and deactivated his omni-tool.

"Were you doing something?" asked Cortez.

"No, nothing important. I… no, it was nothing."

Steve tilted his head slightly and Shepard quickly stood up, hoping to escape the pilot's scrutiny.

"You sure?" Steve asked.

Shepard paused at the foot of the bed and sighed. "It was a stupid idea."

"What was?"

Shepard waved a hand dismissively. "Ah… I was going to run some old footage. Sentimental crap."

Steve stood up and moved closer to Shepard. "You mean-"

"Yeah."

Steve gently laid a hand on Shepard's arm, and the commander turned a little towards him. "I'm sorry that… on the way back. I wasn't aware of what had happened," Steve said softly. "I just found out."

Shepard shrugged. "Probably just as well. I couldn't really talk to anyone, you know? I might have-"

"I know. I really know."

"Look, Steve, I'm probably not the best company right now."

"You want me to go?" asked Cortez calmly.

"I didn't say that. I'm just warning you. I might be more of a pain in the ass than usual."

Steve moved in front of Shepard and watched him for a moment. "I think I can handle that. I'll stay if you want me to. Actually… I'll stay even if you _don't_ want me to."

"I guess you're staying, then," muttered Shepard.

"Looks like it." Steve placed his hands on Shepard's hips and, just as Shepard expected Steve to kiss him and initiate sex, he found himself looking over the pilot's shoulder as he was pulled into a hug.

"Hey now, don't get taking advantage," joked the commander half-heartedly, stepping back, but Steve did not release him and raised a hand up to Shepard's face, resting it against his cheek.

"It's okay," murmured Cortez. "You don't need to pretend here."

"I… I wasn't," Shepard uttered thickly before his eyes moved up to Steve's. "I'm not the same as you," he explained with a frown. "I can't just-"

"You're a human being."

Shepard shook his head and moved to the edge of his bed, sitting upon it. "I _can't_. I have to keep going. I'm responsible for this entire crew and I can't afford to show weakness. I owe it to them. I owe it to you. I can't be any other way. This is how it is."

Steve sighed and sat next to the commander. "That's _Shepard_ you're talking about. What about Adam? You told me that you could be Adam around me. Shepard needs to keep going for his crew but _Adam_ is hurting."

"I can't _allow_ myself to be Adam this time," Shepard said firmly, but without conviction.

"Yes, you _can_." Steve clutched one of Shepard's hands. "You were there for me. I'm here for you, if you'll let me."

Shepard glanced sidelong at Steve, one edge of his mouth curving upward. "More relationship stuff?"

"That's right. There's more to a relationship than just sex. I want more than that, and I think you feel the same way."

"I didn't want to… presume. I wasn't sure," Shepard mumbled, looking away.

With his free hand, Steve touched Shepard's chin and turned the commander's head toward his own, placing a soft kiss on Shepard's lips. "Now you know."

Shepard nodded, a faint smile forming. "I guess so."

"Now, why don't you show me some of that sentimental crap you were talking about?" Steve prompted.

"Oh, I don't know… you didn't know Mordin. It wouldn't mean anything to you."

"It will if it means something to _you_ ," answered Steve. "I'd quite like to know what kind of a person he was. I'm guessing you don't give your friendship away to just anyone."

After a short pause, Shepard activated his omni-tool and looked down a list of time indexes. "Oh, wait… you've _got_ to see this," he enthused with an almost boyish smile, and Steve edged closer to him, nodding his encouragement.

A large screen appeared in front of them, showing Mordin working at a console and Shepard entering the med bay.

"Hey, your hair was a little longer then," Steve observed, and Shepard rolled his eyes, exchanging a smile with the other man, before they turned their attention to the vid.

" _Have you got a minute to talk?"_ Shepard asked the doctor.

" _Actually, wanted to talk. Medical matters. Aware that mission is dangerous, different species react differently to stress. Aware you come by a great deal. Have had other species become attracted to me before. Awkward. Not interested."_

"Yeah, you wish, Mordin," joked Shepard, and Steve laughed.

" _You've had members of another species make a pass at you?"_

" _Constantly. Very awkward. Skin tone apparently attractive by turian standards. Subset of krogan sexual deviants enjoy salarian flexibility. More cartilage in skeletal structure. Asari offers intriguing, actually. Wonder why. Transspecies pheremones unlikely to work. Must be neurochemical_."

" _Wait a minute, Mordin, you're just yanking me around, aren't you?"_

" _Shocking suggestion! Doctor-patient confidentiality a sacred trust. Would never dream of mockery. Enjoy yourself while possible, Shepard. Will be here studying cell reproduction. Much simpler. Less alcohol and mood music required."_

"He was a funny guy," Steve commented as Shepard searched for another example.

"Yes, he was. Oh, here's another."

" _Got a minute, doc?"_

" _Perhaps later. Trying to determine how scale itch got onto Normandy, sexually transmitted disease only carried by varren. Implications... unpleasant."_

"We never did find out who brought it on board," Shepard reminisced. "And don't get looking at _me_."

"Well, I wasn't, but your hasty denial has got me thinking," Steve quipped.

Shepard met his eyes and smiled as Steve's arm wrapped around his waist. "Thanks for staying. I… feel a little better. And less likely to stab the nearest person in the eye with a fork."

"That's… reassuring," smiled the pilot. "And you don't need to thank me. I told you, I'm here for you, whenever you need me. And even when you don't."

"I appr-" Shepard snorted and shook his head. "Wanna see another?"

"You bet."

Shepard touched a button on his omni-tool and sat back a little, draping his free arm around Steve's shoulder. "Let's just watch all of 'em."

Steve nodded at the bed and they climbed on, the pilot settling in the crook of Shepard's arm as he became better acquainted with Dr. Mordin Solus.

**Author's Note:**

> Pollino = Donkey, ass (used in the pejorative)
> 
> Companero = Partner, squadmate, comrade


End file.
